Danger! Danger, Will Robinson
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sweety8587Yeah...this entry has nothing to do with 'Lost in Space'. Though i did like that show....used to watch it religiously...
*covers eyes* Who was it again who pointed me to badfic_quotes again? Ah anyways...the damage has now been done. Don't take any offense to this if yer the author and reading this. I'm not mocking the story...just some of the lines that made me go "Huh?!"
Found a nice lil fic over at ff.net...its a Zero/Yuuki one. The summary didnt look too good but I always give the story the benefit of the doubt. I really should stop that....
Oh God. I feel like crying now....Not the worst fic I've read but still bad...but I have read worse but I love these two characters and that was just...Emo! Zero and Valley Girl! Yuuki. Ugh... I need an aspirin now....
*covers eyes* Who was it again who pointed me to badfic_quotes again? Ah anyways...the damage has now been done. Don't take any offense to this if yer the author and reading this. I'm not mocking the story...just some of the lines that made me go "Huh?!"
Found a nice lil fic over at ff.net...its a Zero/Yuuki one. The summary didnt look too good but I always give the story the benefit of the doubt. I really should stop that....
It was cold; the kind of cold that would make the snowflakes dry, perfect for snowball fights.
A kind of cold that would make the snowflakes...dry? . . . . Now I've never encountered snow myself. But em...dry snowflakes? Isn't that just oxymoronic?
“You’re telling me that I’m stuck with you and her, the entire break? What a drag.”
Other than the fact that I ponder if that comma is placed correctly, Zero saying what a drag? I'm gettin a mental image of Zero as a beach bum...complete with tan and shorts. *claws out her eyes*
he proclaimed,
Hear yee, Hear yee! (Sorry....couldnt help myself)
And amazing....Yuuki managed to sleep through Zero's yelling. Thats a feat I ought to learn....
The Chairman got out of his chair and slowly sauntered over to his long coat and put it on.
Mental image of Kaien Cross waltzing with his coat....kinda like in Bedknobs and Broomsticks!
he burst out with pride.
First time I read that as "he burst with pride" and got a mental image of a balloon that got pumped with too much helium *facepalm*
She just...toddled off to her room. Is she a duck? or pregnant? or carrying a really heavy load? And why is Yuuki acting like a 5 year old in this fic? *Sighs* and Zero like an old man? *head desk*
She giggled as she ran circles around him.
Did anyone else suddenly get this mental image of Yuuki as a cockerel spaniel and her going around in circles around Zero's legs while barking? O.o
An ice cream sudae? For a meal that is replacing...what was it, dinner or lunch? I'll assume dinner cause Yuuki changes into her pajamas...
Zero...smiles? *checks his pulse* This is Kiryuu Zero right? He wasnt taken over by pod people right?
Yuuki instantly ran up to the counter ready to chow down.
em...interesting word choice. Chow down....not good mental images...
It was a soft slender hand, it was Zero’s.
I'm sorry but those are not the words I wanna read to describe Zero's hands!
She gawked and aimlessly pointed into nothing because she didn’t know where he went. She crossed her arms in frustration, and got up to go look for him. Yuuki’s feet stomped around the house in a futile attempt to scare him.
Aye caramba *covers eyes* Where do i start with that one?
Zero harshly coughing and wheezing over the sink with running water.
Random side note...thats a waste of water it is. Tsk tsk tsk Zero.
A knock quietly hit the washroom door,
*twitch*
“No, I don’t want to harm you anymore. I’m fine.” He said calmly as he washed his face off.
Hey wait wait...if he's covering her mouth with one hand and she just entered...and even if shes standing behind him...how'd he manage to wash his face...and whoa! *double take* HE WASHED HIS FACE OFF?! Painful! O_O;;
In all actuality, it hurt her so much she began to cry.
Anyone find that sentence just a smidgen....too....over the top?
Gnaaaaah! *shakes head* This doesnt seem like I'm reading Zero and Yuuki! The characterization is just too weak!
Zero was shirtless, not that she minded at all. She had seen his bare chest a lot of times, but it made her happy.
Makes me happy too....
She had never noticed this but Zero was actually very good looking.
Oooooh how i LOATHE that line be it in ANY fandom.
She could see his sorrow and the distain in his eyes.
Eh? Distain? Y' mean disdain? And if y' mean disdain....thats a way wrong word t' use here!
And again she toddles*groans* Why was he so pretty? Why didn’t she ever notice before? *twitches again*
as Zero picked her up and carefully placed her on the coach lying down.
Pardon me? Placed her on the couch...is she lying down or the couch?
She was the cutest thing in his life.
Oh sweet Lord above *Facepalm*
And oh look...they've got a flat screen tv as well...how in line with the fandom...
“What was that?!” she bellowed in a grumpy voice.
Now that makes me think of Yuuki either as a giant or as a sailor...with tattoos and all...
She frantically yelled out as she threw her arms and legs around hopelessly.
You mean to say that she disconnected her arms and legs from her body and tossed them around?
AAARGH *head desk* Even snuck in the OP into the fic! I HATE it when authors do that! I wanna....just.... Augh!
The snowflakes were fairly large. They were about half the size of Yuuki’s eyes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here...but snowflakes are now visible to the naked eye? and damn thats one big snowflake....
She had last her train of thought.
Well I just 'last' my sanity at that one....
These snowflakes were beautiful.
As opposed to the snowflakes about 100 miles away from home....
“But not as beautiful as Zero.” She giggled to herself.
GNAH! *head desk*
Zero is very beautiful, up until he opens his mouth. She continued to laugh out loud at her own thoughts.
a) Why, does he have bad teeth or something?
b) if shes lol-ing at her own thoughts....she's gonna look like a crazy person...
Zero walked into the washroom again and Yuuki followed like a chick following its mother.
Again with the cockerel spaniel mental image.....and wait wait...he just went into the bathroom! Isn't that well...rude?
It was the only thing that would stop his pain.
What bout my pain?! *whimpers*
She pushed through the door knowing that the lock was hopelessly broken anyway. Zero was nowhere to be seen. Curious, Yuuki slowly crept over to the other side of the washroom. The lights went out and Yuuki jumped in fear. She heard the door creak as it closed.
How big is this bathroom again? And she pushed through the door....I see...and again, how big is that bathroom again that she can't see him? And how dark is it as well?
The moonlight however was warped to a deep crimson red, the color of blood. A hand cupped over her mouth and she tried to scream but the hand had muffled her voice.
Redundancy for one thing...and how was the moonlight warped?
Yuuki yelled as she brushed her hair back to reveal her neck.
What with all the yelling going on i'm surprised Yuuki doesn't have a sore throat...and a really hoarse voice. Why couldn't that have been 'Yuuki softly spoke' or 'gently repremanded him' or something!
“Zero, it doesn’t matter if Kaname knows or not. I’m not afraid to lose him if it means that you can live. I’ll sacrifice anything for you, even if it means I lose Kaname. I’m not sure… about my feelings towards him anymore. After that I found out he could have messed around with my memories of my past… Zero, you were always there for me; whether I realized it or not!” she said as she placed her head against his.
I'm a Zero/Yuuki fan sure. But please...PLEASE for the love of God! Confessions such as these just make me cringe. I dont think that Yuuki can choose between Kaname or Zero. Atleast not right now. Give it a coupla more chapters and maybe....but in any case...such confessions just make me cringe. Though this one isn't half bad. I've read a coupla worse ones. YE GADS. And emm...those last words...placed her...HEAD against his? Y' do mean forehead right?
He could also feel the blood flowing inside of her soft lips.
Well THAT threw me off the kiss scene *shakes head*
She placed her arms and created room between their lips.
She did what? *puzzled*
NO no no nononnononono! Not a confession of love as well! *groans and bangs head into the nearest wall* I HATE it when authors do that! They realise their feelings and confess their loves within a 9000 word story (or less at times). GAH!
“Yuuki, I love you… I always have, I hope you understand that.”
Whats with the 'I hope you understand that'?! And my God...that ending was just so...so...cheesy. Where'd my order of nachos go?
A kind of cold that would make the snowflakes...dry? . . . . Now I've never encountered snow myself. But em...dry snowflakes? Isn't that just oxymoronic?
“You’re telling me that I’m stuck with you and her, the entire break? What a drag.”
Other than the fact that I ponder if that comma is placed correctly, Zero saying what a drag? I'm gettin a mental image of Zero as a beach bum...complete with tan and shorts. *claws out her eyes*
he proclaimed,
Hear yee, Hear yee! (Sorry....couldnt help myself)
And amazing....Yuuki managed to sleep through Zero's yelling. Thats a feat I ought to learn....
The Chairman got out of his chair and slowly sauntered over to his long coat and put it on.
Mental image of Kaien Cross waltzing with his coat....kinda like in Bedknobs and Broomsticks!
he burst out with pride.
First time I read that as "he burst with pride" and got a mental image of a balloon that got pumped with too much helium *facepalm*
She just...toddled off to her room. Is she a duck? or pregnant? or carrying a really heavy load? And why is Yuuki acting like a 5 year old in this fic? *Sighs* and Zero like an old man? *head desk*
She giggled as she ran circles around him.
Did anyone else suddenly get this mental image of Yuuki as a cockerel spaniel and her going around in circles around Zero's legs while barking? O.o
An ice cream sudae? For a meal that is replacing...what was it, dinner or lunch? I'll assume dinner cause Yuuki changes into her pajamas...
Zero...smiles? *checks his pulse* This is Kiryuu Zero right? He wasnt taken over by pod people right?
Yuuki instantly ran up to the counter ready to chow down.
em...interesting word choice. Chow down....not good mental images...
It was a soft slender hand, it was Zero’s.
I'm sorry but those are not the words I wanna read to describe Zero's hands!
She gawked and aimlessly pointed into nothing because she didn’t know where he went. She crossed her arms in frustration, and got up to go look for him. Yuuki’s feet stomped around the house in a futile attempt to scare him.
Aye caramba *covers eyes* Where do i start with that one?
Zero harshly coughing and wheezing over the sink with running water.
Random side note...thats a waste of water it is. Tsk tsk tsk Zero.
A knock quietly hit the washroom door,
*twitch*
“No, I don’t want to harm you anymore. I’m fine.” He said calmly as he washed his face off.
Hey wait wait...if he's covering her mouth with one hand and she just entered...and even if shes standing behind him...how'd he manage to wash his face...and whoa! *double take* HE WASHED HIS FACE OFF?! Painful! O_O;;
In all actuality, it hurt her so much she began to cry.
Anyone find that sentence just a smidgen....too....over the top?
Gnaaaaah! *shakes head* This doesnt seem like I'm reading Zero and Yuuki! The characterization is just too weak!
Zero was shirtless, not that she minded at all. She had seen his bare chest a lot of times, but it made her happy.
Makes me happy too....
She had never noticed this but Zero was actually very good looking.
Oooooh how i LOATHE that line be it in ANY fandom.
She could see his sorrow and the distain in his eyes.
Eh? Distain? Y' mean disdain? And if y' mean disdain....thats a way wrong word t' use here!
And again she toddles*groans* Why was he so pretty? Why didn’t she ever notice before? *twitches again*
as Zero picked her up and carefully placed her on the coach lying down.
Pardon me? Placed her on the couch...is she lying down or the couch?
She was the cutest thing in his life.
Oh sweet Lord above *Facepalm*
And oh look...they've got a flat screen tv as well...how in line with the fandom...
“What was that?!” she bellowed in a grumpy voice.
Now that makes me think of Yuuki either as a giant or as a sailor...with tattoos and all...
She frantically yelled out as she threw her arms and legs around hopelessly.
You mean to say that she disconnected her arms and legs from her body and tossed them around?
AAARGH *head desk* Even snuck in the OP into the fic! I HATE it when authors do that! I wanna....just.... Augh!
The snowflakes were fairly large. They were about half the size of Yuuki’s eyes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here...but snowflakes are now visible to the naked eye? and damn thats one big snowflake....
She had last her train of thought.
Well I just 'last' my sanity at that one....
These snowflakes were beautiful.
As opposed to the snowflakes about 100 miles away from home....
“But not as beautiful as Zero.” She giggled to herself.
GNAH! *head desk*
Zero is very beautiful, up until he opens his mouth. She continued to laugh out loud at her own thoughts.
a) Why, does he have bad teeth or something?
b) if shes lol-ing at her own thoughts....she's gonna look like a crazy person...
Zero walked into the washroom again and Yuuki followed like a chick following its mother.
Again with the cockerel spaniel mental image.....and wait wait...he just went into the bathroom! Isn't that well...rude?
It was the only thing that would stop his pain.
What bout my pain?! *whimpers*
She pushed through the door knowing that the lock was hopelessly broken anyway. Zero was nowhere to be seen. Curious, Yuuki slowly crept over to the other side of the washroom. The lights went out and Yuuki jumped in fear. She heard the door creak as it closed.
How big is this bathroom again? And she pushed through the door....I see...and again, how big is that bathroom again that she can't see him? And how dark is it as well?
The moonlight however was warped to a deep crimson red, the color of blood. A hand cupped over her mouth and she tried to scream but the hand had muffled her voice.
Redundancy for one thing...and how was the moonlight warped?
Yuuki yelled as she brushed her hair back to reveal her neck.
What with all the yelling going on i'm surprised Yuuki doesn't have a sore throat...and a really hoarse voice. Why couldn't that have been 'Yuuki softly spoke' or 'gently repremanded him' or something!
“Zero, it doesn’t matter if Kaname knows or not. I’m not afraid to lose him if it means that you can live. I’ll sacrifice anything for you, even if it means I lose Kaname. I’m not sure… about my feelings towards him anymore. After that I found out he could have messed around with my memories of my past… Zero, you were always there for me; whether I realized it or not!” she said as she placed her head against his.
I'm a Zero/Yuuki fan sure. But please...PLEASE for the love of God! Confessions such as these just make me cringe. I dont think that Yuuki can choose between Kaname or Zero. Atleast not right now. Give it a coupla more chapters and maybe....but in any case...such confessions just make me cringe. Though this one isn't half bad. I've read a coupla worse ones. YE GADS. And emm...those last words...placed her...HEAD against his? Y' do mean forehead right?
He could also feel the blood flowing inside of her soft lips.
Well THAT threw me off the kiss scene *shakes head*
She placed her arms and created room between their lips.
She did what? *puzzled*
NO no no nononnononono! Not a confession of love as well! *groans and bangs head into the nearest wall* I HATE it when authors do that! They realise their feelings and confess their loves within a 9000 word story (or less at times). GAH!
“Yuuki, I love you… I always have, I hope you understand that.”
Whats with the 'I hope you understand that'?! And my God...that ending was just so...so...cheesy. Where'd my order of nachos go?
Oh God. I feel like crying now....Not the worst fic I've read but still bad...but I have read worse but I love these two characters and that was just...Emo! Zero and Valley Girl! Yuuki. Ugh... I need an aspirin now....
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 03:31 pm (UTC)I don't even know the fandom and this makes me want to hide under my bed and never come out again.
Although I've gotta say that there are plenty of good 9000-word stories, which include love-confessions, out there. But those obviously don't work for every fandom and I have no clue what the circumstances in this one are...